Creating Conversations not Conflict over the Holidays

As we anticipate spending time with family and friends during the upcoming holiday season, we might also feel a bit anxious about the communication involved in these gatherings. Although we enjoy time with those we celebrate with, we don't always know how to communicate with them.

We've all seen holiday movies or TV shows depicting what happens when conversations go awry - grandpa gets upset, your sister ends up in tears, and your nephew storms out. No one wants the holiday to conclude like that! We also want to avoid awkward silences while trying to engage in small talk with people we only see at family gatherings once or twice a year.

One thing I've learned over a decade of working with Insights Discovery is that understanding how we and others prefer to communicate makes it easier. Insights is a fantastic tool for workplace communication, but I've found it equally beneficial in family communication dynamics. Insights helps us become more aware of our communication preferences and provides clues about what others might prefer. Understanding Insights' Four Color Energies can help create positive memories and interactions instead of awkward silences or unnecessary arguments at your upcoming holiday gatherings. The colors have both good and bad day traits, so it's not about one being right or best, but about understanding and identifying how they might show-up in interactions. Here's the basics...

FIERY RED

Good Day: Direct, Driven, Focused

Bad Day: Dismissive, Overbearing, Controlling

 Your mom, who organizes the meal, sets the timing, and tells people what to bring, probably has a lot of Fiery Red. People who like to get things done, take charge, and be direct in communication often have a preference for Fiery Red energy. If an unexpected problem arises, your dad, who leads with Fiery Red, is a good person to approach as he will promptly work on resolving the issue. However, those with Fiery Red may lack patience with family members who arrive late and become frustrated when plans don't go as expected.

 

COOL BLUE

Good Day: Analytical, Detail-oriented, Thorough

Bad Day: Stuck in detail, Slow to make decisions, Lack of empathy

Cool Blue is focused on having the information to deeply understand things. Your sister, who wants a step-by-step description of a new recipe you're trying, might lead with Cool Blue. Cool Blue focuses on facts, which can sometimes seem impersonal or indifferent to emotions. Blue is also more introverted. Your grandpa, who sits quietly but speaks concisely when he does, likely leads with Cool Blue. People with Cool Blue prefer time to think and analyze, so if you ask grandpa for a quick opinion, you might not get it immediately.

SUNSHINE YELLOW

Good Day: High-energy, Positive attitude, Easy to talk with

Bad Day: Disorganized, Frenetic, Can take things more personally

 Extroverted and relationship-focused individuals often lead with Sunshine Yellow. For example, your aunt, who talks non-stop and brings fun games for the kids, likely embodies Sunshine Yellow. People with a preference to Sunshine Yellow love to talk but aren't always the best listeners and may not follow through on tasks. If you ask them to set the table and find them chatting elsewhere, don't be surprised. They enjoy making connections and helping others do the same. Your brother, who encourages your son and his second cousin to bond, is probably using Sunshine Yellow.

EARTH GREEN

Good day: Empathetic, Good listener, Caring and supportive

Bad day: Doesn’t assert boundaries, Withdrawn in big groups, Over-protective of others

 Your grandmother, who ensures everyone is comfortable and has enough food or drink but never asks for help, likely leads with Earth Green. Harmony, consensus-building, and focusing on others' needs are vital to those with Earth Green. They might sacrifice their own needs and feel frustrated if someone's needs are overlooked. Like Cool Blue, they tend to be more introverted, meaning they might want to retire early after a day of caring for everyone.

It's evident that natural conflicts can arise between these different preferences, potentially at inopportune moments during holidays. Before your next holiday gathering, consider which color best represents your communication style and which ones align with your family members. You can then make minor adjustments to connect positively. Here are a few quick tips…

When interacting with a family member that leads with…

 

RED:           Keep conversations brief and direct. Involve them in tasks.

YELLOW:       Smile warmly and show curiosity. Be ready for some small talk.

GREEN:       Give full attention and listen actively. Be patient and supportive.

BLUE:             Organize your thoughts before speaking. Slow your pace of conversation,

Remember, sharing the holidays with family is about relationships and connection. Understanding communication styles is a simple way to strengthen family bonds and minimize misunderstandings. With awareness of these communication preferences at your holiday gatherings, you can navigate the day to create a positive memory of your time together. Happy Holidays!

You can learn more about how to get your Insights Discovery personality type and using Insights for better connections at work and home at https://www.sarahfinch.com/insightsdiscovery

Photo Credit: Drazen Zigic